While we’re on the topic (are we on the topic?)… Did I ever tell my story about when some nondenoms conned me into a Romans Road pitch? Pull up a pew, boys, and ol’ man Skalz will talk your ears off.
In college I minored in French and was in one class (linguistics. Never take linguistics) with this kid whom we’ll call Pierre. Pierre was friendly enough, and one day after class he asked if I wanted to meet up at some point. I said, “Sure, do you want to go into the city or something?” He said maybe.
So we’re supposed to meet up that Saturday at my dorm building and Pierre texts me to ask if he could bring some other friends. This should have been my first warning sign, but I said sure.
Luckily we didn’t meet in my dorm room, just in some conference room the building had.
He arrives with two 30-something-year-old guys who are brandishing Bibles like sabers. Oh no, I think. Oh no no no no.
“Hi,” Pierre says. “These are my friends. They’re the youth pastors at my church, which is nearby. We are a large, welcoming community committed to spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ…” Yada yada yada, and oy vey.
I say, “Pierre, you said you just wanted to hang out with me. I didn’t know you were bringing people from your church along.”
“My church is very important to me,” he says. “We can hang out afterwards.”
Like a fool, I didn’t run at that point.
The presumably more senior pastor asks if I’m familiar with the Bible.
I say I am.
He says that’s good, have I heard of Paul’s Letter to the Romans?
Ohmygod. I have some familiarity with theology and considered doing a philosophy/theology minor at one point, so I knew what was coming.
I say thank you, guys, but I’m not interested.
Pastor gets mad. He says how do I know I’m not interested without hearing his pitch. I say are you going to use Romans Road on me. He says he’s going to tell me about the gospel of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I say I’m not interested.
Now pastor starts fuming. He says do I know I’m damned and going to spend eternity in hell if I don’t repent and acknowledge Jesus as my Personal Lord and Savior™ right now. I say we’re done here. He says God is going to strike me down and send me to hell. I say there’s the door. I get up and leave the room.
Then they leave. Pastor says again that I’m damned for eternity.
And Pierre never spoke to me again. Not that I wanted to speak to him!