Favorite Spooky Stories You've Found Online
Mar 5, 2020 16:37:12 GMT -6
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WeirdRaptor likes this
Post by Salzmark on Mar 5, 2020 16:37:12 GMT -6
OK, I don’t want to belittle anyone’s story, especially as everyone on Reddit is writing for fun and God knows how many times people have popped up just to belittle my own stories. I’m just using these for examples.
This first story, “So They Forgot” by u/chitown12076, was posted 17 hrs. ago and has gotten 753 upvotes:OK. This isn’t a bad idea, though it’s only tenuously “horror.” It’s topical, fine. It has “A LARGER POINT,” fine. Problem is, it’s not an especially deep or original point; it’s a cliché. You can disguise a cliché with good writing or good characterization, but the author doesn’t want either of those: he/she just wants to make that point rather than tell a story.
Unfortunately, I think the writing’s poor. Not horrible, but poor. For one thing, she (I think it’s a she) missed out on the parallelism of saying “I forgot,” just as she wrote “they forgot” earlier. That would at least make the thing more cohesive. For another, word choice: “regurgitate” should be a simple “remember.” “Happy and free” is telling, not showing, and with generalized adjectives. It’s unnecessary. “Information is limited now” actually hurts the story, which was previously hinting at a new totalitarian state without coming out and telling us, “Dictatorship!”
Yet it gets 753 upvotes, so it’s doing something right, while a story I do like gets—21, my upvote included.
This is “The Rescue of Princess Seraphine,” by u/madeinthew3st, posted 2 hrs. ago:It’s not perfect, but it’s good. It has an unexpected but well-set-up twist, it has decent writing, it admirably captures a fairy tale feel in its first part. It is overwritten, and the writer makes some basic mistakes, but it has good, solid storytelling, which heals all wounds. There are also some nice turns of phrase, like “elaborate as ever in her mourning” (which is, of course, also a clue).
Yet it’s gotten 21 upvotes, compared to the first story’s 753. True, it hasn’t been on there long, but I’d have expected it to do better.
Would love to know what other people here think. Am I missing something? It’s something I’ve wondered about my own stories, which almost always underperform, as well.
This first story, “So They Forgot” by u/chitown12076, was posted 17 hrs. ago and has gotten 753 upvotes:
People were outraged and disturbed by the mass shootings. But then a celebrity had a baby, so they forgot.
People were scared about global warming. But the stock market nosedived, so they forgot.
People were protesting the war. But a new online challenge became popular, so they forgot.
People questioned the gun confiscation. But a new movie came out, so they forgot.
People questioned the mandatory curfew. But they saw many beatings and lifeless bodies at the rally, so they just tried to forget.
People questioned the lies. But homes were raided, people were taken away in the night and they were forgotten.
People were once happy and free. At least I think they were. Information is limited now and I can only regurgitate the writings my father left behind, before he was taken. I miss my dad. He had the warmest smile and the brightest blue eyes. At least I think they were blue. I wish I could remember.
People were scared about global warming. But the stock market nosedived, so they forgot.
People were protesting the war. But a new online challenge became popular, so they forgot.
People questioned the gun confiscation. But a new movie came out, so they forgot.
People questioned the mandatory curfew. But they saw many beatings and lifeless bodies at the rally, so they just tried to forget.
People questioned the lies. But homes were raided, people were taken away in the night and they were forgotten.
People were once happy and free. At least I think they were. Information is limited now and I can only regurgitate the writings my father left behind, before he was taken. I miss my dad. He had the warmest smile and the brightest blue eyes. At least I think they were blue. I wish I could remember.
Unfortunately, I think the writing’s poor. Not horrible, but poor. For one thing, she (I think it’s a she) missed out on the parallelism of saying “I forgot,” just as she wrote “they forgot” earlier. That would at least make the thing more cohesive. For another, word choice: “regurgitate” should be a simple “remember.” “Happy and free” is telling, not showing, and with generalized adjectives. It’s unnecessary. “Information is limited now” actually hurts the story, which was previously hinting at a new totalitarian state without coming out and telling us, “Dictatorship!”
Yet it gets 753 upvotes, so it’s doing something right, while a story I do like gets—21, my upvote included.
This is “The Rescue of Princess Seraphine,” by u/madeinthew3st, posted 2 hrs. ago:
Queen Rosalind all but disappeared after her daughter was taken by the dragon.
Once, she enjoyed a whirlwind of magnificent feasts, romantic balls, and performances by the finest singers and troupes the kingdom had to offer. After the great, scaled beast burned down Princess Seraphine’s wing of the castle and snatched her up as she fled the conflagration, though, neither subjects nor courtiers had opportunity to lay eyes upon their queen. She hired guards to stand outside her chamber doors all day and night, and never emerged from behind them.
The only people allowed inside were the brave, foolhardy men who accepted her offer: ten thousand gold and ownership of the dragon’s massive keep to the one who slayed the monster. Fairmont was one of them. He took a deep breath when the queen summoned him in and strode past the guards.
She was elaborate as ever in her mourning, in a silken black gown with a sweeping skirt and a cascading lace veil over her head and face.
“Your Majesty,” said Fairmont, bowing deeply.
“Have you come to rescue my daughter?” asked Queen Rosalind in a hoarse voice.
Fairmont’s heart ached as he imagined her weeping only moments before. “I have. With your blessing, I shall set out immediately with hopes of reaching the keep by nightfall. It’s said the beasts are nearly blind in the dark.”
She gave a small, sad nod. “Please do, brave knight. If you bring my daughter back to me, you’ll have anything you want.” A melancholy pause. “I have faith in you.”
Heartened by those words, Fairmont struck out on his quest.
~~~
Once he was gone, Princess Seraphine took off the musty old veil and replaced it in her mother’s wardrobe, right next to what remained of Queen Rosalind’s rotting corpse.
She walked onto the balcony, the cold wind stinging her face, and turned her eyes to the horizon, where the towering spires of the dragon’s keep were barely visible against the cloudy sky. It was as familiar to her as her own home — she had been sneaking there since she was young, after all, to spend time with someone more of a mother than hers had ever been. They planned this from the start, the two of them, and everything was going perfectly.
He looked like a savory meal, she thought, smiling — then laughing, imagining his shock when he realized how good a dragon’s night vision truly was. I hope you enjoy him tonight.
Once, she enjoyed a whirlwind of magnificent feasts, romantic balls, and performances by the finest singers and troupes the kingdom had to offer. After the great, scaled beast burned down Princess Seraphine’s wing of the castle and snatched her up as she fled the conflagration, though, neither subjects nor courtiers had opportunity to lay eyes upon their queen. She hired guards to stand outside her chamber doors all day and night, and never emerged from behind them.
The only people allowed inside were the brave, foolhardy men who accepted her offer: ten thousand gold and ownership of the dragon’s massive keep to the one who slayed the monster. Fairmont was one of them. He took a deep breath when the queen summoned him in and strode past the guards.
She was elaborate as ever in her mourning, in a silken black gown with a sweeping skirt and a cascading lace veil over her head and face.
“Your Majesty,” said Fairmont, bowing deeply.
“Have you come to rescue my daughter?” asked Queen Rosalind in a hoarse voice.
Fairmont’s heart ached as he imagined her weeping only moments before. “I have. With your blessing, I shall set out immediately with hopes of reaching the keep by nightfall. It’s said the beasts are nearly blind in the dark.”
She gave a small, sad nod. “Please do, brave knight. If you bring my daughter back to me, you’ll have anything you want.” A melancholy pause. “I have faith in you.”
Heartened by those words, Fairmont struck out on his quest.
~~~
Once he was gone, Princess Seraphine took off the musty old veil and replaced it in her mother’s wardrobe, right next to what remained of Queen Rosalind’s rotting corpse.
She walked onto the balcony, the cold wind stinging her face, and turned her eyes to the horizon, where the towering spires of the dragon’s keep were barely visible against the cloudy sky. It was as familiar to her as her own home — she had been sneaking there since she was young, after all, to spend time with someone more of a mother than hers had ever been. They planned this from the start, the two of them, and everything was going perfectly.
He looked like a savory meal, she thought, smiling — then laughing, imagining his shock when he realized how good a dragon’s night vision truly was. I hope you enjoy him tonight.
Yet it’s gotten 21 upvotes, compared to the first story’s 753. True, it hasn’t been on there long, but I’d have expected it to do better.
Would love to know what other people here think. Am I missing something? It’s something I’ve wondered about my own stories, which almost always underperform, as well.