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Post by WeirdRaptor on Feb 24, 2019 18:08:53 GMT -6
Maybe he's just the advisor/editor you were meant to work with. The "Umbrella People" is well-written, but it's missing an overt creep factor. Perhaps if there was an actual implied... maybe not reason, but connection to something that was happening in the neighborhood, it might work better. You’re right. Thank you. Let me rework this a bit. Anytime! You're welcome!
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Post by Salzmark on Feb 24, 2019 18:24:01 GMT -6
WeirdRaptor , how’s this? The *s are italics on Reddit.
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Post by WeirdRaptor on Feb 24, 2019 18:29:55 GMT -6
WeirdRaptor , how’s this? The *s are italics on Reddit. Nice. And it's still open-ended enough to leave several interpretations open.
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Post by Salzmark on Feb 24, 2019 18:40:33 GMT -6
WeirdRaptor , how’s this? The *s are italics on Reddit. Nice. And it's still open-ended enough to leave several interpretations open. Whew. Thanks. I fixed some grammar and spelling and then changed the post on Reddit. It really does help when someone reads your stuff… Thanks again for picking up on that.
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Post by WeirdRaptor on Feb 24, 2019 18:43:51 GMT -6
Nice. And it's still open-ended enough to leave several interpretations open. Whew. Thanks. I fixed some grammar and spelling and then changed the post on Reddit. It really does help when someone reads your stuff… Thanks again for picking up on that. You're welcome. I personally took the Umbrella people to be some kind of angels of death, instead of actually causing the deaths, but that's just me.
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Post by Salzmark on Feb 24, 2019 18:50:39 GMT -6
Whew. Thanks. I fixed some grammar and spelling and then changed the post on Reddit. It really does help when someone reads your stuff… Thanks again for picking up on that. You're welcome. I personally took the Umbrella people to be some kind of angels of death, instead of actually causing the deaths, but that's just me. Both are definitely possible. The reason I originally left it vague is so that they could be anything: aliens, men in black, angels of death, bringers of death, some loopy religious cult. (Twist ending: “We’ve been following you around for several months now…” “Yes! Who are you people? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?” “…and we’ve been meaning to ask you—have you heard the Good News, Brother?” Brr, that’d be scarier than any ghosts! ) But you were right to point out that, in my doing that, I needed to make it actually scary and/or eerie.
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Post by Salzmark on Feb 26, 2019 15:08:49 GMT -6
Hey, WeirdRaptor (et al.): one good thing. Someone on Reddit just asked for permission to let him narrate “The Umbrella People” for his YouTube channel, he liked it so much. That was a nice note to see!
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Post by WeirdRaptor on Feb 26, 2019 15:16:08 GMT -6
Awesome, do you know who it was?
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Post by Salzmark on Feb 26, 2019 15:18:35 GMT -6
Awesome, do you know who it was? “dmcent54,” if you’ve ever heard of him.
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Post by WeirdRaptor on Mar 8, 2019 12:58:54 GMT -6
No, I haven't, and I'm sorry I took so long in replying, Salzmark . Anyway, here's another spooky story I've always had a fondness for: One guy even made some nifty artwork of the beast:
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Post by WeirdRaptor on Mar 10, 2019 21:48:09 GMT -6
Awesome, do you know who it was? “dmcent54,” if you’ve ever heard of him. I'm not finding this guy on YouTube, by the way. Did he say where he uploads his videos?
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Post by Salzmark on Mar 11, 2019 17:53:04 GMT -6
No, he didn’t, WeirdRaptor, but he did say he’d do it “if I ever get around to it,” so there’s that. Maybe he hasn’t set up a channel yet? Um… On the other hand, I’m fine with people reading/using my stories as long as they credit me and all that.
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Post by Salzmark on Mar 11, 2019 17:53:40 GMT -6
Oh, and I haven’t read “The Thing That Stalks the Fields” yet, but I will.
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Post by WeirdRaptor on Mar 11, 2019 17:58:19 GMT -6
No, he didn’t, WeirdRaptor , but he did say he’d do it “if I ever get around to it,” so there’s that. Maybe he hasn’t set up a channel yet? Um… On the other hand, I’m fine with people reading/using my stories as long as they credit me and all that. Nuts. I kinda excited at the idea of hearing something written by someone I've actually spoken to read by a narrator.
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Post by Salzmark on Mar 11, 2019 17:58:37 GMT -6
OK, finished it. It reminded me a bit of Stephen King—the fields (“Children of the Corn”), the shape and description of the monster, the first person narration, even the title. I wasn’t really scared (or creeped out) by it, but it was a decent one. And the first line is great.
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