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Post by Salzmark on Mar 11, 2019 18:05:36 GMT -6
No, he didn’t, WeirdRaptor , but he did say he’d do it “if I ever get around to it,” so there’s that. Maybe he hasn’t set up a channel yet? Um… On the other hand, I’m fine with people reading/using my stories as long as they credit me and all that. Nuts. I kinda excited at the idea of hearing something written by someone I've actually spoken to read by a narrator. Heh, thanks. If he or anyone else does narrate it (or whatever), I’ll definitely let you know. I signed up to have the stories reposted (with credit, of course) on some site called “Read if You Dare,” so I’m hoping it’ll give the stories more notice.
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Post by WeirdRaptor on Mar 11, 2019 18:08:04 GMT -6
OK, finished it. It reminded me a bit of Stephen King—the fields (“Children of the Corn”), the shape and description of the monster, the first person narration, even the title. I wasn’t really scared (or creeped out) by it, but it was a decent one. And the first line is great. I agree, it's not that scary, but I find it so oddly fascinating.
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Post by WeirdRaptor on Mar 11, 2019 18:11:25 GMT -6
Nuts. I kinda excited at the idea of hearing something written by someone I've actually spoken to read by a narrator. Heh, thanks. If he or anyone else does narrate it (or whatever), I’ll definitely let you know. I signed up to have the stories reposted (with credit, of course) on some site called “Read if You Dare,” so I’m hoping it’ll give the stories more notice. Thanks. I think I've been to "Read if You Dare." I'll definitely check it out and be on the lookout for your stuff. "Read If You Dare" is in association with "Chilling Tales for Dark Nights," right?
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Post by Salzmark on Mar 11, 2019 18:14:18 GMT -6
Heh, thanks. If he or anyone else does narrate it (or whatever), I’ll definitely let you know. I signed up to have the stories reposted (with credit, of course) on some site called “Read if You Dare,” so I’m hoping it’ll give the stories more notice. Thanks. I think I've been to "Read if You Dare." I'll definitely check it out and be on the lookout for your stuff. "Read If You Dare" is in association with "Chilling Tales for Dark Nights," right? No idea, actually—to be honest, I don’t know that much about them, but I checked and they looked legitimate and gave credit to authors, so I signed up. But the “Chilling Tales” site looks like a good one. By the way, I’m trying to write a fairy-tale-esque scary story in the mold of Angela Carter’s work (which I love)—will let you know if/when I finish that. Same 250 word thing.
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Post by WeirdRaptor on Mar 11, 2019 18:20:51 GMT -6
Thanks. I think I've been to "Read if You Dare." I'll definitely check it out and be on the lookout for your stuff. "Read If You Dare" is in association with "Chilling Tales for Dark Nights," right? No idea, actually—to be honest, I don’t know that much about them, but I checked and they looked legitimate and gave credit to authors, so I signed up. But the “Chilling Tales” site looks like a good one. By the way, I’m trying to write a fairy-tale-esque scary story in the mold of Angela Carter’s work (which I love)—will let you know if/when I finish that. Same 250 word thing. Okay, then it's the "Chilling Tales" site I went to. It's been a while. Ah, so you're Brothers Grimming it up?
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Post by Salzmark on Mar 11, 2019 19:17:46 GMT -6
Something like that, WeirdRaptor . I literally just finished it (so typos expected) and haven’t posted it yet; let me know what you think:
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Post by WeirdRaptor on Mar 11, 2019 19:25:44 GMT -6
Something like that, WeirdRaptor . I literally just finished it (so typos expected) and haven’t posted it yet; let me know what you think: Confound you and your "I'm clear about what's going on without being clear about what's going on" style! It's solidly written, but missing something. I don't know what yet. I'll have to sleep on this, but I'll try to give you a more detailed feedback tomorrow. This is NOT bad, though. That is not the takeaway. Um, it's very much in the style of an old folk tale I could find compiled in a book. Maybe it doesn't quite hit that whimsical, but stark edge many of the folk tales had. Like I said, I'll think about this story some before I try to critique it more.
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Post by Salzmark on Mar 11, 2019 19:28:29 GMT -6
Something like that, WeirdRaptor . I literally just finished it (so typos expected) and haven’t posted it yet; let me know what you think: Confound you and your "I'm clear about what's going on without being clear about what's going on" style! It's solidly written, but missing something. I don't know what yet. I'll have to sleep on this, but I'll try to give you a more detailed feedback tomorrow. This is NOT bad, though. That is not the takeaway. Um, it's very much in the style of an old folk tale I could find compiled in a book. Maybe it doesn't quite hit that whimsical, but stark edge many of the folk tales had. Like I said, I'll think about this story some before I try to critique it more. OK, great! I won’t post it yet. Definitely let me know what it’s missing. The horrible thing is that I can’t avoid that “clear about what’s going on without being clear about what’s going on” style for this genre even when I try—and God knows I have tried! And you’ve summed up perfectly what I’m going for: I’m aiming for the actual prose to be clear but the events to be opaque.
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Post by WeirdRaptor on Mar 11, 2019 19:32:40 GMT -6
Confound you and your "I'm clear about what's going on without being clear about what's going on" style! It's solidly written, but missing something. I don't know what yet. I'll have to sleep on this, but I'll try to give you a more detailed feedback tomorrow. This is NOT bad, though. That is not the takeaway. Um, it's very much in the style of an old folk tale I could find compiled in a book. Maybe it doesn't quite hit that whimsical, but stark edge many of the folk tales had. Like I said, I'll think about this story some before I try to critique it more. OK, great! I won’t post it yet. Definitely let me know what it’s missing. The horrible thing is that I can’t avoid that “clear about what’s going on without being clear about what’s going on” style for this genre even when I try—and God knows I have tried! And you’ve summed up perfectly what I’m going for: I’m aiming for the actual prose to be clear but the events to be opaque. Oh, no, trust me, my complain isn't about the ambiguity of the situation. Maybe it's just a little too much of a dry read. You were aiming for "whimsical but with a sense that something's off", right?
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Post by Salzmark on Mar 11, 2019 19:50:34 GMT -6
OK, great! I won’t post it yet. Definitely let me know what it’s missing. The horrible thing is that I can’t avoid that “clear about what’s going on without being clear about what’s going on” style for this genre even when I try—and God knows I have tried! And you’ve summed up perfectly what I’m going for: I’m aiming for the actual prose to be clear but the events to be opaque. Oh, no, trust me, my complain isn't about the ambiguity of the situation. Maybe it's just a little too much of a dry read. You were aiming for "whimsical but with a sense that something's off", right? Oh, no, no, I get that. It’s just that, for me, I wish I could write some clear monster piece—it’d probably do better, at least! Pretty much so. The tone is supposed to be very plain, like a fairy tale (as you mentioned). I wouldn’t write a phrase like “…and Golden-hair was frightened” if I weren’t aiming for that.
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Post by WeirdRaptor on Mar 11, 2019 20:07:12 GMT -6
Oh, no, trust me, my complain isn't about the ambiguity of the situation. Maybe it's just a little too much of a dry read. You were aiming for "whimsical but with a sense that something's off", right? Oh, no, no, I get that. It’s just that, for me, I wish I could write some clear monster piece—it’d probably do better, at least! Pretty much so. The tone is supposed to be very plain, like a fairy tale (as you mentioned). I wouldn’t write a phrase like “…and Golden-hair was frightened” if I weren’t aiming for that. Okay, that's fair enough. Okay, tone was supposed to be plain. I think I might be zeroing in on it. Maybe I've just read too many fairy tales where weird stuff happens in the woods. I might not be the best person to critique this. That other guy you mentioned helping you on Reddit might be better for this. Wait, is someone actually supposed to be telling this story to me, the reader? Like, an actual third person is relaying this to me, instead of just general third person perspective?
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Post by Salzmark on Mar 11, 2019 20:29:14 GMT -6
That’s all fair, WeirdRaptor. As for “weird stuff in the woods,” yes, definitely. It was originally more obvious with an evil stepmother and a wolf instead of the man; that all got pared down. That said, the point (just as with most of these) is that it doesn’t go in the direction the reader (or, at least, I) would expect. For one thing, she gets out of the wood—but the experience drives her mad (no Lovecraftianism intended). Most horror stories wouldn’t go like that. And most fairy-tales wouldn’t end with the “protagonist losing it” as the happily-ever-after ending, obviously. (Sondheim and Lapine’s Into the Woods was also on my mind while writing this.) I didn’t originally intend that, but perhaps. Most fairy-tales are written in that general type of format. Thus “once upon a time” and all that.
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Post by WeirdRaptor on Mar 11, 2019 20:35:10 GMT -6
That’s all fair, WeirdRaptor . As for “weird stuff in the woods,” yes, definitely. It was originally more obvious with an evil stepmother and a wolf instead of the man; that all got pared down. That said, the point (just as with most of these) is that it doesn’t go in the direction the reader (or, at least, I) would expect. For one thing, she gets out of the wood—but the experience drives her mad (no Lovecraftianism intended). Most horror stories wouldn’t go like that. And most fairy-tales wouldn’t end with the “protagonist losing it” as the happily-ever-after ending, obviously. (Sondheim and Lapine’s Into the Woods was also on my mind while writing this.) I didn’t originally intend that, but perhaps. Most fairy-tales are written in that general type of format. Thus “once upon a time” and all that. Sorry if I wasn't of much help. I was really trying. It's not bad, or even needs to change much. It doesn't. Most of it is fine as is. Okay, I was just wondering because I noticed a distinct difference in how you referenced "her father" and "Mother." As in, it's worded like 'Mother' is the mother of the person narrating, instead of the girl's. On a third reading, it put me under the impression that this third person and their Mother are close to the girl and her father, and the third person's mother gave the girl the white cloak as a gift. Not what you intended? Typo, I'm guessing.
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Post by Salzmark on Mar 11, 2019 20:37:27 GMT -6
Also: to be honest, I’m scared to ask that guy (I know, right?!). He wasn’t as communicative towards the end, and I don’t want to keep relying on him (or on you) for help, though I appreciate it greatly.
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Post by Salzmark on Mar 11, 2019 20:40:15 GMT -6
Sorry if I wasn't of much help. I was really trying. It's not bad, or even needs to change much. It doesn't. Most of it is fine as is. Okay, I was just wondering because I noticed a distinct difference in how you referenced "her father" and "Mother." As in, it's worded like 'Mother' is the mother of the person narrating, instead of the girl's. On a third reading, it put me under the impression that this third person and their Mother are close to the girl and her father, and the third person's mother gave the girl the white cloak as a gift. Not what you intended? Typo, I'm guessing. Oh, Lord, don’t worry at all, WR. Sorry if my comments came off that way. I’m thanking my lucky stars that someone is even just reading these. And your critiques are always helpful. Ah, no, that wasn’t what I was intending. “Mother” was because all the shes in that sentence got confusing. But I can try and think of a better way to word it.
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